Your Life Called: It Wants You Back

How I'm breaking up with my phone one small step at a time.

One night just before Christmas, we settled in for a family movie night—PJs, hot chocolate, and Elf queued up. It was perfect—except for the fact that I don’t actually remember watching any of the movie. I was simultaneously catching up on emails, replying to DMs, getting lost in a comments thread rabbit hole, and answering texts. Sure, I was physically present, but mentally, I was somewhere else.

Even though I still managed to laugh at the right moments (it’s a talent) kids are smart—we humans are wired to pick up on the subtlest of social cues to know if someone is really paying attention to us. “Don’t worry, I’m watching!” I protested when they called me out. But even though I eventually put my phone away, it didn’t feel quite like the magical night I’d envisioned. The mental residue of everything I'd just consumed kept me from fully engaging in what could have been a great memory.

It was another reminder in a long line of wake-up calls: I don’t want to live my life in a half-distracted state. The devices in our pockets make it so easy to slip into autopilot, scrolling mindlessly or reacting to notifications. But the reality is, when we’re on our phones, we’re checked out.

When "influencing” first became a thing so many years ago, I didn’t fully recognize the importance of setting boundaries between my social media life and my real life. I can remember spending entire chunks of vacations trying to capture the perfect photo, craft the perfect caption, and then monitor the comments that either validated me or left me feeling flat. Hours that could have been spent swimming, exploring, or simply being present with my family. Thankfully, I haven’t done that in years (now I delete all my social apps when I’m on vacation), but still—I wish I could get those wasted hours back.

Throwback to 2015, when vacation could feel like one long photoshoot. Props to Adam for the 30+ takes to get the one. 😂

Time to wake up

Around the time I turned 35, I had this gnawing sense of walking through life half-asleep. It was a turning point for me, and over the years, I’ve slowly built habits that help me show up more fully. These have included phone boundaries that prevent me from wasting hours of my life scrolling. I turned 40 this year, sparking an even more intense desire to go all in on intentional living. For me, this means leveling up my phone boundaries, and honestly? I couldn’t be more excited about it. I want to spend less time watching other people live their lives and more time actually living my life with full-out presence and passion.

If any of this resonates with you, here’s a question to ask yourself:

Do you want to just talk about changing your life? Or do you actually want to do something about it and start living with more intention?

If you’re with me in the latter camp, let’s talk about some practical steps you can take right now to stop being ruled by your phone and start engaging fully with your life.

What the phub

One more compelling reason to set phone boundaries: the impact it has on the people we care about.

Researchers use the term "phubbing" (phone snubbing) to describe what happens when we're looking at our phones instead of engaging with the people around us. Studies show that when parents are on their phones in the presence of their kids, it feels like rejection—leading to less connection, behavioral problems, and lack of confidence. With romantic partners, it leads to emotional disconnect over time.

So, when I reach for my phone at the dinner table or during a conversation, what message am I sending to the people I love most?

I've been working on a new and improved “phone boundaries plan” that allows me to be more present without completely cutting myself off from the tools I rely on for work and connection. Let's do this.

Questions to guide your phone boundaries

Since everyone’s media vices are different, consider these questions to help you set boundaries that will feel most supportive for you:

• To check your screen time on an iPhone, go to Settings > Screen Time. From there, you can see your overall screen time usage and detailed activity reports. What are the biggest time-drainers? (My own are: emails, texts, and Instagram)

• When do I feel the most frustration with my phone use?

• Are there specific times of day, or certain days of the week, that I want to be more present and phone-free?

• Do I prefer soft boundaries (gentle reminders) or hard boundaries (strict cutoffs)?

• What phone habits genuinely add value to my life—and what feels like mindless consumption?

My new and improved phone-free bedside table.

My personal phone boundaries

Based on my own answers to those questions, here’s the updated strategy I’m implementing to create more mindful phone habits:

1. Turn off notifications

Every time we get a notification, we’re pulled out of the present moment. I silenced all text, email, and social app notifications so can I check them on my terms. I want to be in the driver's seat of my time rather than in constant reactivity mode. I use VIP notifications for key people (like my husband, daughter, or my team) so I have peace of mind knowing they can reach me if they need me.

2. Designated times for texts and emails

Instead of checking messages constantly throughout the day, I use time batching to check text messages in the morning and in the evening. This also allows me to be more thoughtful with my replies, instead of just hurrying to respond to everyone and clear it off my to-do list.

I also time block a section of my calendar each day to respond to emails. Even if I don’t make it to inbox zero, I know I’ll have time to get to unanswered emails the next day.

3. No phone zones: bedroom and mealtimes

Since I majorly prioritize sleep, I’m pretty good about staying off social media near bedtime. That said, I still sleep with my phone on my bedside table and use it to read books and set my alarm. The downside is that when my alarm goes off in the morning, I'll often spend the first few minutes of the day mindlessly checking emails and texts. There are so many benefits to keeping your phone in a different room of the house while you sleep, I'm finally taking the plunge. Here’s my plan:

• I got a Hatch alarm clock that I’ll use instead of my phone. It uses calming lights and sounds to mimic a natural sunrise and boost your circadian rhythm.

• I also ordered a Kindle Paperwhite for reading books. When I read on my phone, I’ll randomly open up my news app or Instagram for that little dopamine hit that ends up being a distraction, so I like that the Kindle doesn’t have anything on it besides books. I’ll keep it on the amber setting to reduce blue light emissions that disrupt your sleep cycle.

• No phones at the table: We've always had a no-phone policy at mealtimes, and as our kids get older, I am determined to keep this time sacred so we can fully engage with each other.

4. Reduce mindless Instagram scrolling

Social apps are literally designed to make us addicted. If we don’t take a proactive approach, the apps will control us, not the other way around. My first step was moving Instagram off my home screen to minimize the “reflex” to open it up when I had a spare moment.

Then, I set a 30-minute daily limit on Instagram to avoid endless scrolling. I block out this time to post, engage with friends, and answer DM’s and comments, and then move on with my life. I also find it to be very restorative to take one full day of Instagram a week. Which leads me to…

5. No phone Saturdays

This is something brand new our family is trying out this weekend. It’s probably the most extreme item on this list, and I’m very excited about it (I’ll report back.)

Starting at 5pm on Friday and going all the way through Saturday night, we’re going screen-free. Adam, Phoebe, and I will keep our phones charging in a drawer. Henry’s computer and Xbox will be shut down (we set both kids’ screen time limits for each day through parental controls, so we can do this on our end.) The one exception is that we’ll watch a movie together if we want. Also, Adam will have his Apple Watch so we can be reached in case of emergency.

So, what will we be doing with all our newly freed-up weekend time? How about—discovering new hiking trails, curling up in front of the fire with a good book, making cozy recipes (this roasted tomato and white bean soup is on the menu), learning to play golf, going to fun restaurants, sitting around the table talking, playing games, enjoying life. It feels exciting, it feels expansive, and it feels like a step in exactly the direction I want to be headed.

***

We become what we pay attention to, and when it comes to what I’m consuming, I want it to be nourishing. Setting phone boundaries is hard, and I’m far from perfect at it. But I also know that when I’m truly present—looking my family and friends in the eyes instead of glancing at a screen—I feel so much more connected to them and to my life. It’s not about deprivation; it’s about creating space for what matters most.

I’d love to hear from you guys: Have you set any phone boundaries for yourself? What’s worked (or hasn’t)? Share your ideas in the comments.