Love love love this post. I once heard a neurosurgeon talk about remembering to breath to avoid the spiral and succumb to the emotional tsunami and honestly I’ve had success with that. So my mantra has become “check your breath” when I start feeling myself get overwhelmed/defensive/about to give my TED talk/etc.
Also, I loved how you mentioned the part where you just listened and didn’t start coming up with a response. I find that when I do this (which is not often enough!!) everything always goes better. Of course!
I love this mantra - "check your breath." When I get overwhelmed or defensive everything tightens. This would be a gentle (and helpful) reminder to exhale and take another breath before responding.
So good. I’m in the same boat. Tween and teen. I feel this. Anything I can do to remember it’s not personal helps. I turned to Human Design a few years ago to “see” how each of us is wired and where we find friction with one another. And of course so many deep breaths. Great piece here. Will follow along for more!
Years ago when I was stuck trying to move on from a negative encounter, a wise person told me to identify the emotion I was feeling. Once I did that I was able to process what happened in a different way.
As a parent you don’t have the ability to step outside yourself when something happens. You have to deal with it in the moment. A few things to remind yourself of: You are doing the best you can at that point in time. And, your child will still love you regardless of their possible disappointment. By simply showing up, you have met their needs.
Thanks Nancy, I really agree with this and fully feeling / identifying the emotion is something I’m very much in process on…. but when I do it, I can FEEL how much it changes things.
I settled that very early on with my daughter who was 5 or 6 when I heard the dreaded “I hate you”. I froze for a minute as I realized this was a pivotal moment. I took a deep breath and said, looking right into her eyes: it’s ok, you don’t have to love me, and I’m not your friend. But I’m your mother and I am responsible for you, and you have to respect me. End of the argument. My daughter is now 24 and about to leave home, and every single day she tells me that she loves me. At that particular moment, she didn’t need me to explode in an emotional outburst, she needed to know where the boundaries were.
I love the part where you say that even you weren’t sure if you were right. So much better than “you will do what I say because I am the parent”. The kind of example I want to show my children 🤍
Beautiful and timely. I’m in the same season with my 13-year old and had the exact same argument a week ago. Finding space for sturdiness and compassion. 😘
I once heard a parenting coach say that when your kid is arguing or emotional, to say “I love you too much to argue.” And then stop the conversation or just repeat that phrase. I’ve tried it and it really works. Diffuses things just bringing love front and center.
Love love love this post. I once heard a neurosurgeon talk about remembering to breath to avoid the spiral and succumb to the emotional tsunami and honestly I’ve had success with that. So my mantra has become “check your breath” when I start feeling myself get overwhelmed/defensive/about to give my TED talk/etc.
Also, I loved how you mentioned the part where you just listened and didn’t start coming up with a response. I find that when I do this (which is not often enough!!) everything always goes better. Of course!
I love this mantra - "check your breath." When I get overwhelmed or defensive everything tightens. This would be a gentle (and helpful) reminder to exhale and take another breath before responding.
Yes! And I often find that I’m holding my breath! Even just saying it seems to start calming things!
I wish I’d had this knowledge many many years ago. Terrific piece. Thank you.
It's never too late :)
So good. I’m in the same boat. Tween and teen. I feel this. Anything I can do to remember it’s not personal helps. I turned to Human Design a few years ago to “see” how each of us is wired and where we find friction with one another. And of course so many deep breaths. Great piece here. Will follow along for more!
Thanks Nithya - I love that reminder of “it’s not personal.” So simple yet a total game changer!
You are a great mom!! Wish more were like you. See so friends just cave & give in. Boundaries are healthy.
The teenage years are a roller coaster. You’ve got this!
Years ago when I was stuck trying to move on from a negative encounter, a wise person told me to identify the emotion I was feeling. Once I did that I was able to process what happened in a different way.
As a parent you don’t have the ability to step outside yourself when something happens. You have to deal with it in the moment. A few things to remind yourself of: You are doing the best you can at that point in time. And, your child will still love you regardless of their possible disappointment. By simply showing up, you have met their needs.
Thanks Nancy, I really agree with this and fully feeling / identifying the emotion is something I’m very much in process on…. but when I do it, I can FEEL how much it changes things.
I settled that very early on with my daughter who was 5 or 6 when I heard the dreaded “I hate you”. I froze for a minute as I realized this was a pivotal moment. I took a deep breath and said, looking right into her eyes: it’s ok, you don’t have to love me, and I’m not your friend. But I’m your mother and I am responsible for you, and you have to respect me. End of the argument. My daughter is now 24 and about to leave home, and every single day she tells me that she loves me. At that particular moment, she didn’t need me to explode in an emotional outburst, she needed to know where the boundaries were.
So good!!
I love the part where you say that even you weren’t sure if you were right. So much better than “you will do what I say because I am the parent”. The kind of example I want to show my children 🤍
Beautiful and timely. I’m in the same season with my 13-year old and had the exact same argument a week ago. Finding space for sturdiness and compassion. 😘
A good reminder that we’re not alone… parenting teens in 2026 is not easy.
I love the visual. Thank you.
Love your thought process. It’s difficult being that old oak tree.
I once heard a parenting coach say that when your kid is arguing or emotional, to say “I love you too much to argue.” And then stop the conversation or just repeat that phrase. I’ve tried it and it really works. Diffuses things just bringing love front and center.
Love that, filing away!
Profound wisdom… 🙏
This is such a good lesson
That’s incredible to hear Kay!