Let’s Redefine What a “Perfect” Thanksgiving Looks Like
Forget elaborate tablescapes and timing every dish to the minute. Here’s how to create connection—even if you're just bringing the wine.
This post is presented by Avaline—use this link to get 20% off your online order of organic, delicious wines just in time for the holidays.
After hosting more than 15 Thanksgivings, I can confidently say that perfection has nothing to do with creating a day you’ll remember. The first year Adam and I were married, we (misguidedly) thought it would be fun to invite both our families for Thanksgiving in our 900-square-foot bungalow. Within an hour of everyone arriving, our single toilet was clogged (I still blame my sister for putting lettuce down the disposal), and we were forced to drive to the nearest Starbucks for bathroom breaks until the after-hours plumber arrived.
Finally, Adam proudly brought out his first-ever fried turkey. It looked great, until we realized I’d forgotten to remove the plastic bag of giblets inside. Let’s be honest, the day was chaos, but you know what? Every year since, that story gets retold at our Thanksgiving table and never fails to make us laugh. It taught me that a “perfect” Thanksgiving isn’t one where everything goes smoothly—it’s one where we’re together, laughing, and remembering—it’s all about the sides anyway.
Over the years, I’ve filed away the things that make the day feel calmer and more nourishing—whether you’re hosting or simply showing up with a bottle of wine. Thought I’d drop them all in today’s post so we can all have a little more fun this Thanksgiving.
PS—To help you channel more calm this season, Casa Zuma has teamed up with a few of our favorite brands to give away $1500 worth of essentials to nourish your home, body, and mind. You can enter to win right here!
The Mindset Shift—From Performing to Presence
This is more of a hosting philosophy that actually applies to any gathering, not just Thanksgiving. Before you even start creating your meal planning checklist (I’ve got that here if you need it), let’s just start by releasing the idea that success lies in how seamless you pull it off. Repeat after me:
The holidays aren’t about impressing anyone—they’re about connecting with people we love. When we keep this “why” front and center, it takes so much of the pressure to perform off our shoulders.
The reason why most of us go into performance mode in social situations is because we’re protecting our ego (something I’ve really been working to release this year!). If we’re looking for validation by doing everything “perfectly,” we’ll be stuck in a place of anxiety and fear. When we can shift our focus away from ourselves and back to that why—gratitude, connection, nourishing the people we love—we’re set free to enjoy the experience and stay present in the moment.
Here’s something that really helps me when I’m putting pressure on myself before guests arrive (or walking into someone else’s home). It’s a one-minute grounding ritual: I take a slow, deep breath and remind myself: I’m not here to impress, I’m here to bless. Try it, you’ll feel the energy shift immediately.
Rituals That Turn Chaos to Calm
When I’m prepping my space, I like to focus on a few small, tangible things that create a calm energy and make Thanksgiving (or any gathering) feel elevated and special. There’s so much going on with the menu, setting the table, etc., that it’s easy to get overwhelmed with it all—but really, these small sensory details are what guests will remember long after.
Light a candle before guests arrive to create a sense of beauty and calm—scent is one of the most powerful ways to change the atmosphere in a room. My signature candle is here, and guests always comment and ask what it is when they walk into our home.
Pour a “house wine.” I love opening a bottle of Avaline Sparkling while I’m cooking—it’s so delicious and instantly makes the experience feel more special. Made from 100% organically farmed grapes, with no added colors and zero sugar, it’s one of my favorite rituals for hosting. Now is the perfect time to try it, because Avaline’s only sale of the year just started—shop here to get 20% off your online order, plus free shipping over $150 and a limited-edition tote with purchases over $200. Avaline also makes my absolute favorite Pinot Noir, and I almost always have it on the table at a dinner party (pairs well with turkey!!).
Create a gratitude moment. A few ways I love to do this: tuck little cards underneath plates where guests can write down what they’re thankful for (these are cute.) Pass around a bowl where everyone adds a note of gratitude before dinner. Or simply go around the table and ask each guest to share something they’re grateful for from the year. If it feels cheesy, just trust me: it really shifts the energy of the conversation.
Set the table the day before. This is what will make the difference between enjoying the process of being creative with your table—and setting it in a rush because you have so many other things to do day of. Here's how I’m setting my table this year—check your inventory in advance to make sure you have the essentials:
Linen Table Throw in natural (I use two to cover our large dining table)
Oversized Frayed Linen Napkins in Natural
Recycled Glass Tumblers (for water)
Recycled Wine Glasses (for wine)
For serving dishes: Walnut Salad Bowls, Vintage Wood Board (for cheese), Sharing Platters, and the Blanco Pitcher for pouring water at the table.
Play music intentionally. Start the morning with something upbeat and warm that gets you in a festive mood while you prep (I love a Charlie Brown instrumental moment). For the meal itself, I’ll turn on a lo-fi playlist that creates a relaxed vibe around the table—bookmark this one.
Prioritize connection. Rather than jumping up and clearing the table right after the meal, take time to sit and talk with the people around it without a timeline. As someone who likes to clean right away, I have to remind myself of this! Nothing feeds relationships quite like unrushed conversation, and having time and space to hold them is one of the best things about the holiday season.
The Art of Being a Great Guest
I always tell my friend Anne that she wins “best guest award” at every dinner party. No matter what’s going on, when she comes through the door, she’s fully engaged with an up-for-anything attitude that’s contagious.
As a guest, you have as much power to shape a gathering as the host. Before I walk into someone’s home, I try to set an intention to be present with the people I’m with and bring positivity to my conversations. Offer to help, but don’t force it if the host says she’s got it. Stay attuned to the energy—if things are feeling hectic, help clear dishes or refill glasses.
As for host gifts, Thanksgiving is a great time to bring a thoughtful token of thanks. I always think it’s nice to bring something consumable: a homemade dessert, a loaf of bread, special honey, or a beautiful bottle of wine will be so appreciated. This season, I stocked up on a few bottles of Avaline for gifting—their beautiful organic wines feel like a small luxury that is so perfect for this.
At the heart of it: the best guests are the ones who make everyone else feel seen and comfortable. Presence is the most generous thing you can bring to the table.
Protecting Your Peace Amid the Noise
As fun as the holidays are, they can also be emotionally charged. Every family has its dynamics, and personally, I can get really overstimulated when there’s a lot going on in a room (ie, everyone’s crowded in the kitchen and talking at once while I’m trying to juggle last-minute prep and not burn the rolls).
I’ve found that it’s really helpful to game plan a few ways to nurture your nervous system ahead of any gathering, so you have some tools available when you need them. A few to try:
Step outside for a five-minute walk (solo!) between dinner and pie.
If you’re hosting, give yourself short resets throughout the day. Lie down for 10 minutes with your eyes closed, or if that doesn’t feel doable, just take 5 deep breaths before moving on to the next task.
Play calming music—it’s one of the most powerful ways to downshift racing thoughts.
Prioritize your sleep during this season, specifically: try to get to bed earlier so you can make the most of that deep sleep that happens before midnight. This is how your body and brain recover from stress and get refreshed for what comes next.
Remember that protecting your peace isn’t selfish. It’s what allows you to stay connected and show up with love.
My Signature Thanksgiving Dessert: Pumpkin Gingersnap Pie
Okay, I can’t talk about Thanksgiving without sharing one of my forever favorite pie recipes—we make it every single year without fail, and it always disappears. Its spicy, creamy filling meets a buttery, crisp gingersnap crust that makes the whole kitchen smell like Thanksgiving.
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